July 13, 2020
“When His timing seems questionable, His lack of intervention seems hurtful, and His promises seem doubtful, I get afraid. I get confused. And left alone with those feelings, I can’t help but feel disappointed that God isn’t doing what I assume a good God should do.” –Its Not Supposed to Be This Way by Lysa TerKeurst
I think that the biggest misconception that we as Christians tend to put out into the world is that we are always understanding of Gods purpose in our life. That we ALWAYS look at heartbreak, disappointment and confusion and say “Oh it’s fine, God’s got this!” That’s the goal. To be able to trust him fully and even in our darkest hours. But if we are honest with ourselves and others, that is not how it is. We get angry, resentful, we question him, doubt him.
It’s no secret that 2020 has been a hard year for me, my family, heck… the world. A few weeks ago I started reading “Its Not Supposed To Be This Way.” And acknowledging this part of me has been such a freeing feeling. Knowing that God sees and hears me doubting him, yet he still meets me with grace, understanding and forgiveness. I don’t know about you but the second someone doubts me or questions me, I’m like “Bye Felicia.” But not God. He doesn’t instantly calm me or show me the answers. He gives me time to spew (because anyone who knows me knows that sometimes I’m stubborn. Thanks Dad.) Sometimes he gives me more time than I think he should. But he always comes back around.
One of the most amazing things about having faith is being able to return to it. Over and over again. And being able to look at God and say “You were there all along.” And he doesn’t use it against you. He doesn’t walk away from you like you did from him. It may feel like it at times. I’m not afraid to admit anymore that I have doubted and screamed and thought “Okay fine, I’ll just do this my way, alone.” But returning to his grace and feeling his presence again after pushing him away. That feeling is one of the best feelings in the world.